Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
