What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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