SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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