she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
