dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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