I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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