This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
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It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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