How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
