He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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