If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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