where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
