The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's official drugs can't kill me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
