why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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