Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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