dude i'm inner monologue high
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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