I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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