Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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