I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
