Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
