if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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