I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
