You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
