What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
