I don't remember. Are we still dating?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
