i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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