Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
