Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
