I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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