what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
