the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well you can't waste a boner
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
porn star boner night. come get it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize