i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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