If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
