am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's official drugs can't kill me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
