her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My feet surprised me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
