My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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