New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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