we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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