grandma shit on top of the toilet
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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