Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
