he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
