I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize