I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
