therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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