Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
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Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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