Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
