she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
