wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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