there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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