I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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