So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.