we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....