i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone