So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
