My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
