Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
