I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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