i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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