Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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