Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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