Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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