I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
