two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
