My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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