he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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