she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no you cant smoke seaweed
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
