why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
