when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I stole a fireplace last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
