just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His hands were made for my vagina.
You're like the curious george of whores
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
