i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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