morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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