I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
