Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
