it was like his penis was on wheels.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
