This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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