you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize