I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
