My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
