I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
