You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
