He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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