Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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