Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog

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(310): View more from California

I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

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(360): View more from Washington

He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?

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(515): View more from Iowa

Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.

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(813): View more from Florida

You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.

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(813): View more from Florida

it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis

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(678): View more from Georgia

My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.

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