you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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