What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize