goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
