I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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