New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
