I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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