i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
