That's intense
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
