Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
