Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
