I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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