my mouth tastes like poor choices
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
