i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
